American Idol – Frissonic.net

Well, it’s back. My least favorite show ever. I absolutely cannot stand American Idol, yet here we are, kicking off season X of some poor sot that’s going to win some fake popularity contest. And for what? A contract where the recording industry will pimp them out for millions of CDs that the “winner” will see barely a fraction of those earnings? To sing what they’re told by people who sit around and write canned crap?

Thanks, no.

Oh. And maybe it’s my untrained ear, but EVERYone they bring on sounds exactly the same. The ChristinaGagaBlahBlahMariahLopez sound.

If ever you’re forced to watch this because your spouse is an Idol addict, watch and tell me the next time you hear someone like Regina Spektor. Or Samantha Crain. Or Joana Newsom. Let me know. Cuz that would be worth watching. But this same-sound-year-in-year-out drivel is nauseatingly boring.

What really grates on my nerves are the ones who pin ALL their hopes and dreams on the opinions of 3 judges. The sobbing, the stumbling around in a drunken loss of purpose and inner death … really? Because someone told you you can’t make it? Why are these sots so hell-bent on making or breaking their lives on whether Dog will move them on? Seriously.

I swear … ugh.

Now … having said all that, to be fair, my wife really does just like watching the auditions for “less than kind” reasons. I’m sorry. Yes–there are some that truly should not audition. And you know that these people are auditioning because someone didn’t have the heart to tell them “Dude. Erm … seriously? You’re gonna want to take up an instrument. Cuz your voice ain’t it.”

Know what? I like to sing. I sing in the shower, I sing in the car. Sometimes, I sing for my wife and kids. My wife constantly asks me to join our church choir. It’s not happening. Ever. I can sing along in the car and shower without offending the general public.

Whatever. Show’s over. Time to go catch up on some shows with the spouse. Later.

I see that the newest edition of The Clone Wars started again tonight on Fox. You know the show: where thousands upon thousands of Americans brave the sardonic wit of one Simon. Lucky us … two hours of dreamers throwing themselves at the mercy of a bunch of judges who bravely search for those who sound exactly the same as every other top 40 pop artist.

My wife called me from her girls’ night out to ask me to record the auditions. Admittedly, some of those can be pretty funny. But ya know what? Those people are putting themselves on the line. Again, admittedly, some of them have no business doing so. Some, on the other hand, might not meet Simon’s or the other judges’ approval, but really … who NEEDS their approval? One girl in particular had had vocal training for years and years. 2 vocal coaches. There were times tonight where she was a bit off key. So what? Nerves. Stand in front of that acerbic waste of sperm and egg and try NOT to be nervous. Some can do it. Those who do and put the twinkle in Simon’s eye get the big ticket to Hollywood.

So.

Effing.

What.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to let you in on a little secret that you may or may not have already thought about to some degree: Randy, Simon, Spice chick and Other chick are just opinions. Not fact. Not the end-all.

I will concede that there are times that I agree with their opinions. Sometimes, it just doesn’t take a lot of effort to see that someone isn’t going to make it musically. That does NOT mean they’re always right.

Let me ask you a question: do you think Adam Young (of Owl City fame) cares what Simon or anyone else thinks of him? No. He just went out and wrote 3 CDs of music. He did all his own music, sang every track on every CD, and he started in his parents’ basement. HE didn’t audition for anything. He just made some cool music, threw it out there for public consumption, and bam–he took off.

I’m sure that I’m over-simplifying the process he followed to get to where he is today, but you get my point. You DO NOT need Simon to give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down. 99.99999% of musicians did not get their start on American Idol. That’s a fact. Hell, even William Hung managed to get a recording contract, and God bless him for his tenacity.

American Idol makes me sick. It really is a clone war.

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